A romace unseen
by JenJo
Summary: Kaidan and Shepard- my take on the iconic duo. ME3 and beyond.
1. Chapter 1

"No one sees the commander." James said, without looking up from his magazine.

"I'm here on orders from Admiral Hackett," replied the ensign.

"Let me see." the ensign handed over the orders; James cast a quick glance over them. "Have fun in there," he said with a smirk, before returning to his magazine.

The ensign was shocked by the state of the room. It was a mess.

There were clothes everywhere, along with dirty dishes. The man shook his head, wondering how anyone could live in these conditions. He heard yelling from the bathroom.

"Anger management? Are you serious? First a shrink, now..." Shepard stopped when she saw the man standing in her room.

"Who are you?"

"I'm...just an ensign. Hackett sent me to deliver these to you," he handed over a set of dress blues. "He said you need to wear them tomorrow."

"You new?"

"Yeah, sure, I'm new."

"Here's some advice: don't bother trying to save a galaxy. They're usually ungrateful afterwards. Dismissed."

The ensign left, shaking his head.

He returned to his quarters.

_Kaidan was walking the halls of the detention facility. He knew he couldn't see her, but being in the same building brought some comfort. Horizon had left so much unsaid, and he wanted to fix it. He bumped into a worried looking ensign, making him drop something. Kaidan picked it up; dress blues._

_"Sorry, major."_

_"It's ok. Why the worried face?"_

_"These are for Commander Shepard. Hackett sent me. Word is Shepard's... Not completely sane."_

_"I find that hard to believe. I'll take them for you, if you want." _

_"That'd be... Great. Thank you sir."_

_Kaidan took the clothes off the ensign. _

_**Not completely sane? She's never been **_completely _**sane. **__Kaidan thought to himself with a small laugh. He rounded a corner, and saw no one in the corridor. He quickly removed the major bars from his shirt, and, after borrowing a hat from storage, he made his way to Shepard's room, _

Upon leaving Shepard's room, Kaidan pulled his hat a little lower, to stop anyone from seeing his red eyes. He wasn't afraid to admit he was hurt; he just didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment.

"See you had a good time" James yelled to Kaidan leaving form, with a smile on his face.

"Smartass" Kaidan muttered to himself. He made his way quickly out of the facility, without being seen. He returned to his flat.

_Not completely sane... Bout right, _Kaidan thought as he entered his flat.

He threw the hat at a wall, and collapsed onto his bed.

_She didn't even look at me._

And it broke his heart. Again.

_I don't know what I was thinking, did I expect anything else? Did I expect her to talk to me?_

Kaidan wasn't completely sure what he expected to happen. Somewhere in his head, he thought that if she had seen him, then maybe they could talk, maybe everything could be sorted out.

**Grow up alenko; she doesn't want a thing to do with you. She's changed.**

Kaidan hated that voice in his head, the one that hated Shepard. But, he knew that it was probably right.

Sighing, he proceeded to have a shower, thoughts never far from the woman who still had his heart.

"I don't see why I need anger management, admiral!" Shepard was pacing the room, in front of admiral Hackett.

"it's the suggestion of your psychiatrist, and taking it up would look good in front of the panel, commander," _saviour of the universe she may well be, _Hackett thought, _but she's still an alliance soldier._

"What's it matter if I look good to the pencil pushers? This is only happening to keep the Batarians quiet!" Shepard's voice, which had been growing in volume since the conversation began, was beginning to be audible to James outside. "And I've been stripped of my rank, remember?"

"Well, Shepard, do you really want to stay in this room for the rest of your life?" Hackett had adopted a diplomatic voice, one that Shepard really hated.

"Of course not!"

"So play nice for a bit, and maybe you'll be let out on good behaviour?" while he couldn't officially approve of Shepard at this point, personally, Hackett had no problem with Shepard, or her actions. He only hoped that this was conveyed in his conversation.

Unfortunately, it was not.

"Play nice? No. I've done nothing wrong, so I'm not gonna act like a whining pyjack and lay down like a scapegoat!"

Hackett sighed. "Very well. I see that this conversation is getting me nowhere. I have other places to be." Hackett got up from his chair, and went to the door, and knocked. (For the door could only be opened from the outside.) "Shepard?"

"What?"

"Please wear your blues." and Hackett walked out.

Shepard collapsed onto the couch, and let out a frustrated scream.

(James did not react to this; Shepard routinely made loud noises, only to annoy him.)

"All I've ever done was try to help people? Why am I punished?" Shepard looked at the dress blues. _Yuck. _She had never enjoyed wearing them.

Thinking back to the delivery boy, she thought she had recognized him.

_Wishful thinking. It wasn't Kaidan. It was an ensign. All wrong. Kaidan wouldn't go that far to see me. He hasn't tried to see me yet; why would he now?_

Thinking of Kaidan made her upset. She thought she had gotten over him back on the Normandy. After horizon, she knew there was no hope of a reconciliation.

**And yet you still love him.**

_Shut up. I don't. _

**Yes you do.**

_No, I don't._

**Deny it all you want. I know you; and you still love him.**

Shepard hated herself; ever since the psychiatrist started talking to her, she had developed a horrible inner voice, one that always questioned her. However, Shepard knew the voice was right.

_I do still love him._


	2. Earth to Mars

**_A/N: Sorry about the break! Started back at Uni this week, had to get used to timetables, transport, etc.  
This chapter came from four little chapters, hence why it jumps around a bit. Each chapter wasn't long enough to demand its own.  
AND a big thanks to all of you who replied/reviewed/followed/favourited! You are awesome :)._**

* * *

_"You know the commander?"_

_"I used to."_

"What do you mean 'used to'?" James inquired.

"I mean that I knew her before she died. Since she came back... I don't know if she's the same person anymore," Kaidan shook his head, and began to walk away from James, who followed.

"Isn't she the same person? Didn't Cerberus bring her back exactly the way she was before?"

"Supposedly."

"Supposedly?"

"Supposedly- it means generally assumed. Do you always ask this many questions, Lieutenant?" Kaidan snapped; the questions were irritating him.

"Only when I'm confused," James admitted.

"I'm guessing that happens a lot," Kaidan smirked.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" James stood in front of Kaidan, forcing them both to stop walking. They eyeballed each other. James was clearly bigger, and could easily win a fair fist fight. However, Kaidan knew better than to start a fight in an Alliance facility.

"I have to get to the Normandy. Out of my way, _Lieutenant_," Kaidan put as much authority as he could into his voice. He was relieved when James moved out of his way.

"Funny, that's where I need to go to," James started to follow Kaidan again.

"What happened to guarding Shepard?"

"Admiral Anderson gave me new orders. Guess we'll be getting to know each other."

_Oh, that'll be fun, _Kaidan thought, wondering how long it would be before a fight would start.

"Traynor! How is the Normandy?" Kaidan asked as he walked onto the ship, James following a few paces behind.

"She could fly, if given orders to do so," Traynor replied, handing Kaidan a list of retrofits completed thus far. "Who's the new person?"

"Specialist Traynor, meet Lieutenant..." Kaidan looked up from the data pad, realizing he didn't know the Lieutenant's name.

"James Vega," James filled in, extending a hand to Traynor, who shook it.

"Welcome aboard, Lieutenant."

"Thank you. Could you point me towards the weapons?"

"Why would you need _weapons_?" Kaidan asked.

"It is the duty of the _Arms Master _to see the weapons, is it not?" James asked sarcastically. The men returned to staring at each other, until Traynor interrupted.

"Excuse me, Lieutenant? I believe you're looking for deck 5," Traynor said nervously. "I could show you, if you'd like"

"Thank you, that'd be nice," and James left, not without one last stare at Kaidan.

Once he was out of earshot, Kaidan let out a sigh of relief.

"What was that about?" Joker asked out of nowhere.

"How long have you been there?" Kaidan asked, having not noticed Joker.

"I think the question you need to ask is: have you ever seen me away from the cockpit? I'm _always _here. Anyway, don't avoid the question Alenko."

Kaidan slumped into the co-pilot's chair. "Nothing."

"You expect me to believe that you, king of cool, nice-to-everybody Kaidan Alenko managed to piss someone off?" Joker asked incredulously.

"Honestly? I don't expect you to believe anything anymore," Kaidan replied, sighing.

"Hey! I believe lots of things. For example: I believe that you're still in love with the Commander."

"Joker!" Kaidan exclaimed. Ever since returning to oversee retrofits, Joker had always managed to slip Shepard's name into conversation. It frustrated Kaidan to no end.

However, it delighted Joker to see the calm man squirm.

"Deny it all you want, but I know you man. You still love her," Joker said with a trademark smile. Kaidan looked at the man.

"What's your point? It's not like I'm going to see her anytime soon..."

"I have detected Reaper activity in the Sol System," EDI's voice interrupted.

"Crap!" the two men said in unison.

* * *

"Where are we going?" James asked Shepard, trying to keep up with her.

"Mars."

"What about Earth? We can't just leave..."

Shepard rounded on James.

"Do you think I wanted to leave? You don't think i want to stay and fight? We have orders. We're Going to mars," Shepard went to a locker, looking for some armour. Kaidan was a few meters away, checking on the Kodiak.

"Mars, why? What's on mars?"

_Six months in confinement, and he never talks. Now we're in the middle of a war, man wants to play 20 questions? _Shepard thought to herself, wishing he would just shut up.

"It doesn't matter, lieutenant," Kaidan entered the conversation, coming over to obtain armour of his own.

"_**I **_think it does, and who asked your opinion?"

"Watch your tone, _lieutenant_," unlike earlier that day, Kaidan did not want to put up with any of James' smart-ass comments.

"I have a right to know, don't..." James' sentence was stopped by a right hook from Kaidan. Shepard, who had been ignoring the confrontation, turned around at the sound of James hitting the ground. She guessed he was caught unawares.

James, having recovered, swept Kaidan's legs, causing him to also fall to the ground. The two men then began to wrestle on the ground, like two kids.

Shepard, who was already having a bad day, could not believe her eyes. Neither man was going easy on the other. _How can I possibly take them both to mars?_

"Arrival at Mars in two minutes," EDI's voice broke Shepard's thoughts.

Surrounded by a blue glow, she waved her arms, causing the two men to be thrown to opposite sides of the room. She then put a barrier in front of each, stopping them from moving.

"Seriously? Earth has just been attacked, and you two want to fight like animals?"

"Sorry She-"

"Shut up James. Look, I don't care what your deal is. The fact is, you should both know better. I need you both with me on Mars, and I need to be able to trust _both of you_. If I can't, I will throw you out of an airlock. You understand?" she looked both men in the eye; James had to look away, clearly ashamed. Kaidan, on the other hand, stared defiantly back at her.

_He's grown some balls. Good for him, _she thought, recalling the man who couldn't look her in the eye three years ago.

After both men nodded, she let down the barrier.

"You heard EDI; suit up."

* * *

_"We need to get him to the citadel."_

Shepard barely registered Liara's presence, let alone her words. She just couldn't take her eyes off of Kaidan's near-lifeless body.

"Shepard!" Liara grabbed her, bringing Shepard out of her trance like state. "We. Need. To. Get. To. The. Citadel."

"Mm, yes, citadel. Joker?" Shepard sounded drunk.

"Course already laid in. We'll arrive in five hours." There was no joy in Joker's voice.

"Shepard, sit down," Liara practically forced Shepard to sit on a chair, Shepard not taking her eyes off of Kaidan.

"Shepard? Talk to me."

"He didn't trust me," Shepard mumbled.

"What?"

"He didn't trust me, Liara. He thought I was with Cerberus, that I had something to do with them on Mars," Shepard looked up at Liara; Liara was shocked by the sadness she could see in the normally emotionless woman. "He didn't trust me, and I...I didn't care. I yelled at him. I said I don't care what he thought. And now..."

"Shepard, he'll be alright. Come, you should have a shower and rest.

"No, I won't leave him," Shepard said weakly.

"He's not going anywhere. You need to rest," Liara spoke sternly, like to a disobedient child.

"I won't leave him." _Ever the defiant Commander Shepard, _Liara thought. She grabbed Shepard by the shoulders, lifting her from the seat. When Shepard tried to sit back down, Liara pushed the other woman out of the room.

"No Liara, I won't leave him!" Shepard yelled. She tried to use her biotics on Liara, but, at that moment, Liara was stronger. She subdued Shepard, carrying her to her quarters.

* * *

"I hear she made quite the scene," Joker said to Liara over the intercom.

"She tried to," Liara was going over the information from Mars.

"How bad is Kaidan?"

"He's not dead, but not far from it."

"Will he make it?"

Neither one wanted to think of how Kaidan's death would affect Shepard.

"I'm an archaeologist, not a doctor. We'll know once we get to the citadel." Liara disconnected the comm system, choosing to focus on her work.

_If Kaidan dies, Shepard won't want to fight. And if Shepard doesn't want to fight...then this war may not last long at all_


	3. Cleaning Up the Mess

_**Hello web! Hope you're having a nice day.**_

_**New chapter- hope to make this a regular Friday thing.  
I'm skipping over the missions seen in game, cause you all know them.  
As always, thanks for reading and reviewing!**_

* * *

"Shepard? Good to see you."

Kaidan had been in hospital for two weeks now. He was nowhere near healed, but he wanted to get back out there.

"Kaidan, how are you?" He noticed that Shepard wasn't looking him in the eye. _Emotional detachment_, he thought.

"I'm great; doc says I'll be back in a week."

Shepard smiled, "I find that hard to believe."

"I'm trying to get better. I want to fight. Sitting here, feels like I've abandoned you."

"Abandoned me?" Shepard looked at him: _wrong words._

"I meant...what I meant was..."

Shepard could watch him stutter forever, but decided to stop him.

"It's ok Kaidan. Here, a present," she handed him a bottle of whiskey.

"Thanks, now I just need to get better and we can drink it to celebrate the end of the Reapers."

Shepard looked away.

"Sounds like a plan," Shepard sounded distant.

Kaidan took her hand. "Look, what I said on Mars, about you being with Cerberus, I know you weren't. I was just caught up in the heat of the moment, jumping to conclusions..."

Shepard pulled her hand away.

"Is that what happened on Horizon?" she stared at him as she spoke. "Heat of the moment?"

"Shepard..."

"Don't you Shepard me! What happened on Mars was just like Horizon. You jump to conclusions, accuse me of things I could _never _do."

"But you were with Cerberus!"

"I broke all ties with them! Can you not get that through that thick head of yours? You didn't even ask me, just jumped to the worst case scenario. Even James was smarter than you; he was the only one who talked to me while I was locked up."

_Even James was smarter than you. _That sentence hurt Kaidan. The next sentence came out of his mouth before he could think.

"I think you should leave, Commander."

It was the first time that he had ever pulled rank on her, and it caught both of them by surprise. Shepard stood up, took the whiskey bottle, and stormed out of the room before Kaidan could apologise.

**Well done Alenko. You couldn't just explain to her that you did visit her, could you?**

_She wouldn't have believed me._

**Cause that has always stopped you from saying things.**

Kaidan shook his head, trying to shake the thought out of his mind. Idiot on Mars he may have been, but what he had just said may have done more damage to his chances with Shepard than Mars and Horizon combined.

* * *

Everyone on the ship noticed Shepard's return. She stomped through the halls, not talking to anyone. Everyone stayed out of her way. Once she was in the elevator, Joker activated the intercom.

"Garrus, I think you should talk to Shepard."

"Can it wait? I'm in the middle..."

"Garrus, the calibrations can wait. Something's pissed off Shepard."

"And you want _me _to find out what?"

"Oh, I know what it is, it's just that I figure you're the only one on the ship who can talk to her about it, without being shot, you know, being her best friend and all."

"Joker, if I get shot, I'll hold you personally responsible."

"The whole ship wishes you luck."

* * *

Garrus found the door to Shepard's cabin locked. He buzzed the bell, with no answer.

"EDI?"

"I am under orders not to open this door to anyone."

"Fine," Garrus opened the service panel, and crossed a few wires, forcing the door open.

Shepard was on her bed, face down.

"Go away," she said, muffled by the pillow.

"No," Garrus replied.

"I'll shoot you."

"I have no doubt you would."

A pause followed, as Shepard considered shooting. "You're not leaving, are you?"

"Nope."

Shepard sat up on the end of her bed; Garrus sat on the stairs opposite her.

"Do you know what happened?" Garrus noticed that her eyes were bloodshot, an indication that she had been crying.

"No, but I imagine that it has something to do with the bottle of whiskey I walked through."

Shepard looked at the liquid on the floor. "Sorry. It was a present for Alenko."

"Didn't he want it?"

"He wanted it; I took it back after..."

"After what?

Shepard took a deep breath. "After he pulled rank on me and asked me to leave."

"And why did he do that?" If anyone else had asked that question, they wouldn't be breathing. Luckily for Garrus, Shepard didn't want to kill him.

"I...the conversation got heated. We both said things...When did you get good at asking questions and making me talk?"

"I may have learnt a thing or two from Kelly."

"Of course you did," Shepard smiled.

"So, are you going to let some stupid human stop you from destroying the Reapers?"

Shepard looked at him. "No."

"Good, because Wrex wants to get to Sur'Kesh and you know how he is when he's impatient."

Shepard playfully slapped him, "You didn't come here to check on me; you're just scared of the biotic Krogan!"

"With good reason; I think I still have the scar from when he high-fived me." they both laughed.

"Thankyou Garrus. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You'd probably have died a long time ago," he said jokingly.

Shepard saw the joke, and smiled, "Probably. Joker! Plot a course for Sur'Kesh!"

"Aye, aye, commander."


End file.
